Silence

On days like today
When I have waited since morning
To escape into silence
And I finally hear the rhythm of your breath
Falling into the darkness
I take back all those dark thoughts I had
All those minor irritations
And wish I had been more patient.

Moving

It's that painful time again when we have to move. Unfortunately it seems like I cannot stay put in any place for more than two years. And this time we are making the move from Sydney to Adelaide which is a much smaller place.
I haven't even started packing yet, I hate to leave all our friends and the worst part is my son is going to be missing all of his. I am one of those people who have constantly had to move during my working life, and I have done it without too much of a fuss. But this time it just seems too tough to have to start all over again.
We have got a house in a neighborhood I don't like too much, but as its a 6 month lease, we are hoping to find a better one in a few months.
My one visit to Adelaide left me with mixed feelings. Its a small town so Prashanth will spend less time travelling to work. But we have t start on the process of making friends as we know absolutely no one there right now.
It is going to be a tough time ahead but I am hoping the change will do all of us good. 

Discovering the pleasures of cooking

The alchemy of spices and grains,

In just the right proportions

Crackling mustard,

The perfume of curry leaves sizzling in hot oil

Turmeric that stains sunshine yellow

And chilli that packs a punch

Mellow coriander for depth and flavour

All come together to create my lunch!

Motherhood - My Song For Life

This is my entry for the Motherhood : A Song For Life contest on women's web. And this lovely video is a part of the contest.

This is probably a familiar sight at your super market. That harried looking over weight woman, wearing clothes that look like they have been randomly thrown together, spotted with food, trying to finish her shopping while dragging a reluctant, screaming child down the aisles. People who don’t have kids would just look on pityingly while the rest smile knowingly.

That woman is me. And sometimes it’s still hard to believe, how my life has changed so drastically. How I swapped a career for full time motherhood. How I discovered that handling the most difficult client is a piece of cake compared with handling a stubborn toddler. And how quickly my conversation changed from the latest antics of my boss to those of my baby!

My story starts one June evening, when I discovered I was pregnant and got the shock of my life. This wasn’t something I was remotely prepared for. My husband and I had endless discussions about how we were going to ‘handle’ this. And yet with all those doubts and questions going on in my head, I was fascinated with the thought of a small, tiny being growing inside me.

One scan later, after listening to a tiny heartbeat, I was hooked. And I discovered that my body was not really my own. This was a baby who liked to make his presence felt, and sometimes at the most inopportune moments. I would be sitting in a meeting with my manager, when I would have to get up and rush to the bathroom to puke. And that wasn’t the only time. There have been very few places I visited during my pregnancy where I did not make my presence felt. With a rush of bile!

Mine was not a complicated pregnancy but definitely an eventful one. I did a lot of travelling. We moved to Australia. My sister got married a month before my delivery. And a sudden complication at the end, forced me to have a premature delivery.

On 2^nd march 2011, my life as I knew it changed completely. In my limited experience of babies until then, I knew them as these extremely cute creatures that smiled and laughed and could be handed over to someone else when they started to cry. Now, that someone was me, and I realized how extremely demanding they could be. They constantly needed to be fed, cleaned or comforted.

But I also discovered that the most peaceful feeling in the world is holding a sleeping baby in your arms, (especially if they have spent the last hour crying). I discovered how a toothless smile could melt your heart completely. How you can understand exactly what your baby wants, even if it sounds like gibberish to others.

I also discovered the sisterhood of mothers. I found that there are so many people with you, going through the same highs, and the same problems. That they actually understand why you can get insanely happy over your toddlers first grubby attempt at painting. And why you can be sometimes reduced to tears by your child’s behavior. And how it feels to put in all that effort to cook something that your child rejects after one look. And why you still haven’t lost your pregnancy weight. All those mothers, they really understand.

My son Advaith is almost 20 months now. And I spend most of my time, running after him to ensure he eats something, worrying if he gets enough exercise, wondering if  he is watching too much T.V. and doing those countless other things that all mothers do.

I may have been many things, but now the most important part of my identity is being his mother. And this is my song. My song for Life.

UPDATE : It seems I have won a small prize in the contest, and I am so happy. Thank you womensweb!!! 

Love -smitten Limerick

My contribution for Limerick-Off Monday at Mad Kane's


A love smitten guy was irate,
Loudly bemoaning his fate.
The love of his life
Would not be his wife
'Coz she eloped with his best mate

Limerick Mondays

My absolutely favourite form of poetry is the limerick and im so glad i finally found this wonderful blog.
This is my submission for Limerick-Off Mondays at Mad Kane's blog.

A gal who was lovely and fair
With long golden flowing hair,
Was rescued from her tower,
By a prince of great power
Who used her hair as a stair.

Fear

Fear slowly seeps into the house as night falls. I see it in my father’s haunted eyes. He peers out of the windows looking suspiciously at anyone on the road. He goes around the house drawing the curtains and checking the locks again and again..
Its almost a month since the incident which turned our lives upside down, and shattered our complacence. My father was attacked by a knife-wielding man when he returned home, one night. That it happened on our doorstep, was the first shock. Fifteen years of living in peaceful surroundings with hardly another house in sight, had lulled us into a false sense of security. That it happened to my father, a gentle unassuming man, was the second. None of us really expect anything truly terrible to happen to us. Until it does. All those stories - masked men, armed robberies, knives and guns- happen to other people. We spend one moment ‘tsk’ing in sympathy, maybe a few more in ghoulish curiosity, thank god it wasn’t us and move on.
Guilt and fear-that is the unfortunate lot of the victims. Who realize how whole lives can change in a couple of seconds, that they might spend the rest of their lives trying to recover from those few seconds. That what seems an earth shattering event to them, is lowest in priority to the police - an attempted robbery with no loss of life and only a broken door to show.
There are images that play in my mind over and over again. A masked man, his eyes glittering in the light, holding a knife and a hand around my father’s throat, the normally pristine floors covered with blood from my fathers dripping hands, the front door fallen on the floor ripped from its hinges, the screaming and the silence that followed, my son lying quietly on the bed with blood on the floor all around him.
The endless stream of visitors, come bearing fruit, sympathy and suggestions- sell the house, shift to town, get a dog, get a watchman and so on. Things seem better for a few hours. Yet when they leave, fear seeps in again slowly.
Everyday darkness falls and my father, imagining watching eyes from every window, goes around drawing the curtains, imagining that anyone walking on the road is a potential threat, watches carefully out of every window, imagining that masked men can come through the door any minute, checks the locks again and again.